Printer Roommate

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Does growing up mean losing the roommates?
The pros and cons of sharing your space

by jason soriano

Anyone who’s ever lived with a roommate can relate, sharing personal living space with others both fosters close friendships and incites inevitable challenges. These hurdles can include the usual conflicts like whose turn it is to take out the trash, but can also involve more outrageous conflicts that live on as quintessential roommate stories. From the group of roommates who band together against a liquor-stealing party crasher to the smelly kleptomaniac who eats everyone’s food, these roommate tales are guaranteed to prompt laughter, gagging and even for some unlucky individuals, a sense of déja-vu.

Chris Davies, creator of www.whostolemymilk.com, a website dedicated to “interesting and amusing stories about shared housing,” gathers entertaining roommate stories from around the globe and posts them online for others to enjoy. But Davies isn’t just a collector of colorful roommate stories; he’s also lived them. Davies has survived sharing living space with roommates from Australia, the United States, Canada, Singapore and France.

“There have been good times and bad times, all of which makes for entertaining stories,” Davies says. When Davies returned to his native Australia to begin his first career, he faced a difficult choice: live alone in a single apartment complex near work or move into a house with roommates.

“I was lonely, especially because I was new to the city and knew nobody,” Davies says. To make new friends and save cash, Davies moved into a house with other renters. But decisions are never as simple as they appear, and Davies, like those on his website, experienced some of the more interesting aspects of shared living—the motivation for his website.

Like Davies, many young professionals in Wisconsin enter new cities and careers without first considering their potential living arrangements, and many regret hasty decisions later. But fear not. While choosing whether to live alone or with a roommate is complicated, considerations of what can go right and wrong in both situations, combined with some good advice, will help make the “right” decision become clear.

Most young professionals decide to live with a roommate until they become established in their new career. The most commonly cited reason? Money. The cost of a single apartment in downtown Milwaukee or Madison can be downright outrageous. A recent survey by the Medical College of Wisconsin reported that a one-bedroom apartment in downtown Milwaukee costs about $940 a month. Add in factors like a low, entry-level salary and a tight budget and all of a sudden, sharing an apartment with someone doesn’t seem so bad.

Consider the potential piles of dirty laundry everywhere, stacks of dirty dishes, loud music anytime and all the time… Living alone can be worth the extra money. Every year, more Americans are seeing the advantages. Compared to the 1940s when just 2 percent of the population lived alone, a 2004 U.S. Census Bureau survey found that almost 26 percent of U.S. citizens currently live alone.

“I think everyone should live on their own at least once right after graduating,” says Harmony Stock, a 28-year-old graphic architect who lives in the Madison area. Self-described as a “loner,” Stock says sometimes she needs time away from the rest of the world. “It’s nice being able to just leave and go home alone if I’m not in the mood to hang out.”

Stock says she has also learned and matured much from her time alone. Aside from the joys of independence, Stock says the experience of having your own place teaches responsibility and culpability. “It forces you to take complete responsibility for everything- the mess in the sink, the bills- you can’t blame it on the roommates anymore.”

But roommates are great for other things besides sharing the blame and the financial costs. Roommates provide other benefits, such as companionship on nights when work becomes overwhelming or when bouts of loneliness strike.

“I personally need a lot of people in my life,” says David Krupka, 23, the program services director at the Metropolitan Milwaukee Association of Commerce. “I love being around people, and I need people to be happy.” For Krupka, getting a roommate was a good opportunity to establish a social network and make his transition into Milwaukee easier.

Unfortunately, roommate situations can often deteriorate into what is commonly known as “a living hell.” For Krupka and his first roommate, issues such as cleaning, food sharing and furniture ownership quickly became points of contention between the pair. As time went on, the conflicts escalated into arguments and culminated in a complete breakdown when Krupka sublet his apartment and moved out.

Nancy Marcus, the director of Housing Mediation Services in Madison, has seen volatile situations develop all too often between roommates. While she works with a variety of different clients, including college roommates and couples, she mediates many cases involving young professionals who have broken leases, moved out unexpectedly or threatened violence against another roommate.

“We usually deal in evictions or landlord/tenant disputes, but we do get a lot of calls about roommate problems,” Marcus says. “But there’s not a whole lot we can do about them if the situation is so bad that one side or the other refuses to even come to the table.” By the time warring roommates contact Marcus, it’s often already too late.

While letting roommate problems fester is a bad idea, making hasty decisions from the beginning is not a good choice either.

“So many decisions have to be made when making the transition into a new career that many young professionals are completely overwhelmed and make quick choices they regret later,” says Karen Carnabucci, a life coach and psychotherapist who works with many young professionals throughout Racine County.

But Carnabucci and others stress that every problem has solutions. “Sign a roommate contract,” Marcus advises. These contracts are as legally binding as a lease and can prevent roommate conflicts by clarifying potential issues ahead of time. Rent divisions, utilities and cleaning schedules become black and white.

If problems persist, Marcus advises an open, frank discussion about the issues at hand. “Ninety percent of all roommate problems could be solved if the parties would just sit down and calmly talk things out,” Marcus says. Carnabucci adds that good communication skills can head off almost any quarrel.

But in choosing whether to live alone or with someone, Carnabucci says the best way to make a decision is by looking within.

“You should know what you personally need to live a satisfying life,” she says. This means seriously examining your own values, personality traits and even flaws.” In the end, trial and error may be the best way to find what works best.

“Part of going through life is making mistakes and learning from them and seeing what fits your personality and your goals,” Carnabucci says. “And sometimes the best choice is realizing we have the ability to make choices for ourselves.”