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Calling all gymphobics

Don't fancy dumbells and treadmills? Try getting your fitness fix with these alternatives

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By Stephanie Lehrman

I felt like I was 11-years-old and riding the bus home from summer camp: thighs sticking to plastic seat cushions, unbearably soaked clothing and sweat dripping from every pore. I could barely focus when I heard a voice say, “Feet together. Stretch those arms.” I was not hallucinating; I was in a Bikram yoga class. 

Wisconsin is renowned as one of the fattest states in the country. With 23 percent of the population obese, we need to find new ways to get moving. While Hollywood celebrities turn to expensive dieting plans and pole-dancing to flatten their already invisible bellies, I decided to overcome my affinity for laziness and my aversion to treadmills, aerobics, steps and god forbid, the rickety old StairMaster® by taking three out-of-the-ordinary exercise classes: Bikram yoga, a modified native movement called Capoeira and "I Dream of Jeannie"-loving belly dancing. 

Bikram yoga’s emphasis on heat did not bode well for me. If I wanted to get a heat-stroke while “relaxing,” I would be basking in Mexico with a margarita and an attractive busboy. Instead, I was stuck in a fitness room with the stench of other people’s sweat all around me. The temperature made it hard enough to focus on the yoga poses, not to mention fearing that I would pass out or contract a disease. I kept asking myself, "Why is the room so ridiculously hot?" Darlene Vander Hoop, Bikram Yoga Madison teacher, explains, “When you heat the room to 100 degrees, people loosen up a lot in the joints. They feel a lot better and it’s easy for them to stretch.”

While I still agonized over the high likelihood that I would faint at any given moment, I have to admit when class was almost over I got used to the heat. “People like the hot," Vander Hoop says. "They get used to the hot within about a week, and then they want it hotter and hotter.”  I guess I am not one of those people. Even though I eventually felt comfortable with the heat, I cannot imagine going through that experience again without a cooler of ice-cold water at my side. Bikram yoga is not an exercise for the weak or faint of heart, and for exercise beginners interested in meditation and relaxation, I suggest traditional yoga. 

After my near-death hallucination experience during Bikram yoga, I was not thrilled about trying Capoiera, an Afro-Brazilian martial arts game. My only experience with martial arts up until that point was Mr. Miyagi’s “wax on, wax off” move in The Karate Kid. Needless to say, I did not know what to expect. In the beginning of the course, I learned the game’s basic moves: "jinga," a stepping and rocking move; "au," a handstand-like move; and "esquivas," a defense move. While practicing the moves, I felt more like I was emulating Abu from Aladdin than practicing Capoeira. Samuel Owens, a Capoeira Angola student, explains, “It is said that slaves adapted the movements from a mating dance that a lot of zebras used to do.”

No wonder I felt animalistic. While I appeared comical while learning Capoeira, I did feel the burn in the morning and the day after. “Capoeira is a full-body workout," Owens says. "You are constantly moving." Capoeria is perfect for the athletically inclined in need of a disciplined fitness activity. Warning: It is not an exercise class for the self-conscious. 

After a two-hour intense Capoeira session, my body was not in the best shape to begin belly dancing like Shakira. Also, I was nervous. I am not the best dancer, nor did I think I could hold a straight face while mirroring the instructor’s sultry moves. But after an hour into the class, I understood that with practice, I too, could make my hips swivel into a figure-eight without looking like I was having a seizure.

Theresa Donnelly, University of Wisconsin-Madison belly dance instructor says, “At first I couldn’t do the moves either, it just takes practice. My body wasn’t meant to move like that either. If you stay with it, you will be able to belly dance properly.” 

Although I did not feel the burn after one hour and a half session, I did catch on to the basic belly dancing steps. Belly dancing proved to be an ideal exercise alternative to start getting fit.

 Although these alternative exercise methods do not involve the treadmill, elliptical machine or bike, they require parallel discipline, practice and time. For fitness beginners looking to get in shape without a machine, belly dancing provides the most health benefits without the monotony. I advise you to find a belly dancing class in Wisconsin, but remember to bring an open-mind, a sense of humor, and your best imitation of Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” music video.