My wife can be careless about how she spends money. How do I tell her she needs to be more responsible without coming off as cheap or having a fight about money?

Before I address this, I have a question for you: Do you have separate bank accounts? If you don’t, get them.

If your wife is buying every shoe, sirloin steak and stainless steel appliance that catches her eye, you need to have a “his” and “hers” setup: A communal fund for the monthly expenses—bills, nights on the town, childcare and whatever else—and also two separate accounts for your individual purchases.

That solves the financial piece, as long as your wife doesn’t come knocking at your desk, asking you for a Ben Franklin to pad her stiletto addiction. Now, how do you pose the aforementioned account arrangement to your wife, without seeming like you don’t trust her, or worse yet, without making her think you’ve got one foot firmly planted in divorce court?

Make it sound like you have a surprise for her—a gift—and you need to keep it a secret. If you have only one joint account, you say, she’ll see the charge on the Visa bill (because really, who pays with cash anymore? You want those airline miles!). And then, after she acquiesces to two accounts, actually surprise her. You’ll thank me later.

If, in fact, you already have separate bank accounts and one joint account, and your wife is still spending frivolously, ask yourself how much it affects your well-being. Is her spending tapping into your gas bills? Have your weekly dates taken a toll? If so, tell her. Be direct, without attacking. Don’t criticize her expensive new bedside table, but tell her you think the money could be better spent.

Women are inherent worriers. We understand worry. If you don’t mock us or tell us we’re being silly, we won’t get defensive. Contrary to what men may think, we are rational beings. At least until we set foot in Prada…

Why can’t women sit and eat a meal without constant conversation?

This phenomenon occurred to me last week at a local Mexican restaurant. When men eat, they eat. When women eat, they socialize. While this isn’t always the case—sometimes women are just ravenous and sometimes men want to recap their day with someone else—this male/female dichotomy occurs more often than not.

What does this mean for men? Well, if you eat with your girlfriend or wife without chit-chat, she assumes you’re upset. See, women sit in silence when they’re mad/sad/anxious/generally irritated, and we assume others (read: men) do the same. If you’re stuffing your face with fish and chips, and not asking us about our weekend, we think something’s up. And let me tell you, our minds will spin some pretty awful scenarios.

If you want to strap on the feedbag and eat, let us know ahead of time. “I’m not upset, I’m hungry.” At least then we know you didn’t cheat on us with our sister or you haven’t joined a crime syndicate based in Detroit.

Just know there’s a time and a place to be a pig at the trough. Grilled cheese at home on a Tuesday night? Sure. Martinis and oysters after my promotion? Eat a snack first.

For more Ask a Woman, click here.