Modern-day storks

Within a few months, Klein and her husband found themselves in Wisconsin standing face-to-face with a surrogate couple with whom they had been matched. At first hearing about the process, Klein says, she found the whole thing rather bizarre, and fretted over meeting her surrogate. The meeting, however, relieved Klein because she realized the surrogate and her husband were normal individuals who wanted to help others build a family. The culmination of this giving, of course, takes place at the birth of the child.

“All of the sudden we were the parents. So it would be the exact same thing as if I had given birth. The baby was in the hospital room with us and we learned all about how to take care of him.”

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Kristina, 36, of Stoughton, Wis., is currently in the process of becoming a surrogate for the third time. During her second surrogate pregnancy, she carried a child for a  couple that had faced seven failed in vitro fertilizations of their own, as well as a failed adoption. They were looking for a win.

“They’d been through a lot,” says Kristina, who asked that her last name be withheld. “When I got the positive result with their little boy, I was so happy for them. I called them up, and they were just elated. That was a really great feeling.”

When asked about her choice to be a surrogate, Kristina says she was drawn to the process after hearing stories of women’s willingness to help others in such a personal way. As a veteran surrogate, she now has her own heartwarming tales, including giving birth to twins.

But Kristina’s choice to be a surrogate hasn’t always been easy for her two biological daughters, now ages 9 and 12.

“I remember my younger daughter going to school and saying, ‘My mommy’s having a baby but she’s giving it away,’” she recalls about her first surrogacy. “That was hard, but now they understand, they enjoy seeing the couples… I wouldn’t have continued on if it would have upset them.”

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Thirty-nine-year-old Lori, the Lodi, Wis. woman who discovered she was pregnant in August, decided to become a surrogate for many of the same reasons Kristina did. She also enjoyed being pregnant with her two biological sons, and wanted to help other women who had not had the same opportunities. “To me, being pregnant, that’s the easy part,” she says.

Lori, a hairstylist/hair salon owner and mother of two, is pregnant with her first surrogate child. Photo by Lukas Keapproth

Lori’s current pregnancy is her first time acting as a surrogate, and while she won’t give birth until May, she’s already considering doing it again. Two family members, however, do not share her excitement, and have told her they don’t understand how she can “give up the baby.”

To this, Lori says, “But this is not my baby.”

This detached mentality allows her to stay excited, not for herself, but for the Michigan couple she is helping. Besides questions from family members, Lori also fields queries from friends, who want to know how much she’s getting paid.

“That is the guilty bonus of this all, because it didn’t cost me a dime to have my children,” she says. “But it’s a win-win. I can help them get the child they want and it’s like a part-time job for me. I can help my family out without working nights or weekends; I can still get them off to school and get them in bed at night.”

There is a common misconception that money plays a big role in a woman’s choice to become a surrogate, but that is usually not the case. Surrogacy through the Surrogacy Center costs about $75,000, which is split, roughly, three ways: $25,000 covers medical costs, $25,000 covers legal services as well as the center’s services, and $25,000 covers the surrogate’s fee (although the surrogate sets her own fee, which the intended parents must then agree to cover).

Murphey says a woman who wanted to become a surrogate solely for monetary reasons would not be accepted into the program because she wouldn’t possess the healthy, stable mindset needed to take part in the process. Surrogates are not compensated for the baby; their fee is given in exchange for the risk they incur while carrying someone else’s child.

“What they are doing is priceless,” she says.

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Every intended parent who comes to the Surrogacy Center carries with them a different story, such as uteruses lost in childbirth, complications due to cancer, or numerous failed adoptions. The center also works with same-sex couples who wish to have children, since some adoption agencies in the U.S. and elsewhere do not allow gay and lesbian couples to adopt children.

“Sébastien” and “Matt” have been together for more than six years and knew that they wanted to start a family. As a gay couple living in France, their options were limited. Both 41, the couple was nearing the French legal age limit for adoption. French law also penalizes paid surrogacy with fines of up to 250,000 Euros and three years in prison — thus their need for anonymity. The couple heard about the Surrogacy Center through word-of-mouth and began the process.

“When it doesn’t work, it’s just crushing,” Matt says about two initial failed pregnancy attempts with a surrogate. “It was a real emotional rollercoaster until we were finally pregnant on our third attempt.”

In August of this year, the couple’s surrogate gave birth to twins. Both men recognize the important role that surrogacy played in giving them a family that they couldn’t have had otherwise.

“There are so many configurations [of family],” Matt says. “Surrogacy is definitely reshaping and helping to form the modern version of what is considered to be a family. We are a family.”

Published December 9, 2010.